Snow Day!

Yippy! Today was the first snow day of the winter season!! Snow days are so much better than the weekend because it's like an extra special day because it's free time you weren't supposed to have!

Things I did today:
* I got up at 8:30...and did some reading.
*Scooped the snow off my sidewalk.
*Showered
*Talked to McKenna
*Went to the grocery store...where the bag carry out guy told me he liked my hair.
*Made lots of birthday treats for tomorrow!
*Had a dance party with myself..I think I'm getting better-song of choice: Circus-Britney Spears
*Talked to Alex
*Now: Listening to N*Sync Christmas and writing this!
What a productive day!

The Future

Clearly I have no idea what my future holds...I don't know where I want to be, who I want to be, who I want to be with, or what I want to be doing. Sometimes I just don't think about what I want for my life. It's easier to just go with the flow and see what happens. Unfortunately sometimes you can't do that. I love my job, but there are times when I realize that I will not be able to do it for my whole life. It works for now while I'm alone and have nothing else to do, but what about later when (hopefully) I have a family. I have decided I need to go back to school(not high school). I think that I want to pursue being a high school guidance councelor. It's scary thinking about doing the college thing again. I assume I'm still moderately intelligent, but occasionally I think that maybe I lost all my knowledge somewhere. I definitely hope that's not the case. I guess we'll see. Going back to school would mean probably staying in Mapleton while I'm doing that. Don't get me wrong, I like it here. The problem is mostly the fact that Mapleton is not very close to anything. Sometimes I feel really alone here. Yes, I have friends close by, but I feel like everyone else has a someone else in their life or that they are too busy to care what I'm doing. Lately I've been having trouble understanding why some friendships drift apart and dealing with the fact that sometimes it can't be helped. Just because I want it to not happen, doesn't mean it won't. I like to think that I'm a strong person and that I can get through things on my own. I want to think that I don't need people around me and that I'm totally fine if I don't keep in touch with my friends and family, but I'm not fine. I don't like being out of touch. I like to be semi-surrounded. (The semi part being that I do like my space.) That rant was a bit off topic, but since it's my blog that's how it's going to be.

I want a road map of the future. I have said this a few times and it probably won't change. Really it's not that I want to know all the ways I'm getting places but I want to know what it ends up like. Maybe I just want a snapshot of myself in my 80's...if I see a bunch of cats behind me I will assume that my life pretty much stayed the same...I really hope that isn't what I'm meant for!

A Good Day

Most of the time when I finally get home after school I feel like I want to strangle myself (or the kids) ,but today was actually a good day. I assigned this project last week for my Novels class. They are reading And Then There Were None which is a mystery book. I had them take the book and make it into their own version of Clue but using information from the book and adding questions to make it a review game. Of course when they were assigned this project they complained about it because in case you aren't aware that is rule number one when a teacher assigns something. Rule 1- Complain so the teacher doesn't get the wrong idea that we might actually like something we're doing. After the complaining they worked really hard and their games are super cute and of course educational. Today I had them play the games and it was awesome. They all had fun and reviewed for the test at the same time. It wasn't anything earth shattering, but I felt good about it. That's what matters I guess.

5 Months

Yesterday it was exactly 5 months until I turn OLD. I think this might be quite the adjustment. I'm feeling pretty young at age 24, but 25 is just not something I am looking forward to. It just seems like you are supposed to be a grown-up when you're 25. I remember asking my parents how old my older cousins were and when they said 25 or 26 I thought that was really old. So obviously my point here is that I don't want to be old. There is only so much time that you can say: well I'm still young, there's time. No longer will I still be young...ok maybe youngish, but not young. That's well past the teens which is young. I supposed as long as I'm alive there will still be time for things to go down, except kids...there is a time limit on that. Maybe since I was a late bloomer my eggs will last longer? I'll have to ask the doctor about that. Or maybe I should have a few of them harvested (weird) just in case I want a kid when I'm 50 and finally trick someone into marrying me? Oh the options. I feel that I probably should really consider these things since I obviously am not getting any younger.

I watched this movie on the Hallmark channel last weekend which was called Mail Order Bride. As I was watching I did somewhat consider shipping myself off to the highest bidder, but then of course you wouldn't really know what you're getting until it would be too late. I think maybe I need a Yenta(Fiddler on the Roof) and then I could get together with my sister and sing the Matchmaker song.

So to stick with the positive kick I'm on I am going to end with the very few things that might be ok about being 25 (old):

• My car insurance will probably go down...or that's what I hear. Of course my driving record is perfect so I don't think mine is all that high anyway, but still a positive.
• I will be able to rent a car, which of course since I have no one in my life to stop me means I can travel in rented cars all over the place.
• I will have one more thing to complain about which is great because I do love to complain.
• Most of my friends are older than I am which means I can annoy them about still being older.

I guess 24 has been a pretty good age so maybe 25 will actually turn out to be fantabulous? Guess we'll see?

Perspective

** I wrote this last week and then saved it instead of posting it. So it's a week late.

I am generally overdramatic about the problems that I have in my life or the the problems I think I have. I usually realize this even while I'm freaking out about something that doesn't really matter. I always know deep down that it isn't as bad as I think it is.



This weekend there was a car accident involving a wrestling coach and some wrestlers from a nearby high school. Normally this would just be a story that I hear on the news and think is sad, only this time the coach is a friend of mine. Our new business teacher this year coaches for Westwood and on Saturday he was driving some of his wrestlers to Mapleton to a clinic and a van crossed over the center line and they ended up having a head on collision. Dan and 5 wrestlers were taken to the Sioux City hospital. At this point they are all still alive and recovering. When I first heard about the accident I had alittle break down because sometimes I feel like I can't get away from death. I know that there are many people who have lost loved ones, but I have definitely had my fair share of loss. I haven't known Dan for very long, but in the short time I have known him I really like him. I kept thinking about when I left school on Friday and passed him in the hallway. I couldn't remember if I said bye or not...it doesn't matter now because he will be fine, but it was just one of those moments where I realized again how short life can be. It's not that I have ever thought I was invincible, but I sometimes forget that the future doesn't always happen for everyone. I am going to try really hard to stop freaking out about things that obviously don't matter. This will be VERY hard for me but I really think that it's probably a good idea to be slightly more positive. From this point on I will make an effort to try!

H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S

When I was in elementary school we sang this song for a concert which I assume was called Happiness because we all spelled out happiness with sign language. Sometimes I like to randomly whip out the song because it's pretty awesome. I forget to write on here a lot...mainly I only write when something isn't so good because I'm one of those write it down sort of venters.

Right now I seem to be at a happy point. I am liking my life and feeling like even if I didn't I should just be thankful for the fact that I'm still living it. Even when things aren't so good at least I still have time for them to get better! It's a bit scary when I have these positive thinking sort of moments, but right now I'm living in the positive. Since it is the month of Thanksgiving I think it would be appropriate to list a few things I am thankful for:

• My parents- They are awesome. Although sometimes the parents are a bit strange, I could not ask for anything better. I really think they should probably get some sort of Fabulous Parent award. Kathryn and I are proof that perfect children do exist, it just takes the right parents! :)
• My sister- Kathryn is pretty much the best thing since Mary Kate and Ashley movies(and those are great). I am happy to say that she's someone who is a sister and a best friend all rolled into one adorable package!
• My extended family- They are a bit crazy, but I wouldn't trade any of them. They are all equally special and fantastic. My grandma is pretty much the best g-ma around. Many people try to claim Grandma Myrna as their own, so it's really nice that she's really mine!
• My friends- I love that I have friends from all stages of life and I'm close with all of them. Maybe some other time I will describe each of them and their greatness, but right now I just want to give a general shout out to them for being people I can always count on!
• Gatsby- At first I thought he was a huge pain in the neck, but now that we've found a nice living arrangement for him we're good. I love that little (not so little) guy! I am pretty attached to him now!
• Kitty- I feel like if I talked about Gatsby I should probably mention that I do love my other kitty too. She's a beauty and the nicest/cuddliest cat around! (I would definitely be a cat lady if I wasn't allergic...guess it's cat figurines then)
• My job- Although the kids drive me nuts and sometimes I would really like to slap them or poke them in the eye, deep down I love all of them. I wouldn't have quite the exciting life I do now without them and their ridiculousness. Plus now I know how celebrities feel when they go in public. I also love my teaching staff. They are fun and generally helpful when I'm confused.
• N*Sync- Without their Christmas music I don't know where my life would be.
• Red hair- Often I complain about this red hair situation, but really I would hate having some other blah hair color. (no offence to all of you blah hair color people) :)
• Books- I love books. I obviously like to read them and dive into more exciting lives than my own, but I also love the smell of new books.
• I could keep going on and on, but I'm getting tired of typing so I'm quiting for now.
• More Later.

Time in a Bottle

I wish you could put time in a bottle and then open it and go back to those times. I miss college. I miss high school. I miss elementary school. I love this whole growing up thing because there are tons of things I get to do now that I didn't back in my younger years, but I also miss lots of stuff about those years. I just took in a few photo albums and scrapbooks. I have had a really great/fun life. I made a few little errors here and there, but nothing major that I would want to change. I love it all, even the stupid stuff that annoys me when I think back on it. All girls have to go through their confused stages...although I think I might still be in it...it's getting better.

I am going home next weekend and I am super excited. I miss Anita! I love that place.

It's all a blur

I had a luau party last Saturday. I have learned many things from this experience. First of all, taking shots (although tasty) isn't the way to go when wanting to stay awake for the whole party. I started drinking a bit early and then continued to drink heavily until I started to throw up around 10pm. I then passed out around 10:30. Goodnight to the world, I was out. Apparently everyone else had a lot of fun for quite a few hours. I am a bit sad that I missed the majority of the party. I did have fun while I was conscious so that's a good thing. I plan to never drink that much again. I did not enjoy the Sunday hangover or my headache this morning. I have scheduled another party for Halloween and I plan to control myself so I can make it until at least 11:30. I figured I should blog about this because it was quite the experience and I wouldn't want to forget it and then make the same mistakes again!

my dark place

I think that what I've figured out during my 24th year of life is that no matter how many times you with the board game Life, that doesn't mean you are really going to win at real life. No matter how many times I get married and have kids during the game of life...that doesn't mean that that's going to happen in reality. I went to my third wedding of the summer this weekend and sat at a table with four married couples. I watched another friend get married and yes I'm happy for all of them. Yippy for you...you found your one in a million. awesome. Unfortunately now matter how happy I actually am for them I am beyond sick of people in love. It's totally great for them, but really quite horrible for me. I don't want to be the 11th wheel all the time. The conclusion I have come to is that I am pretty much always going to be the person at weddings who is sitting out when the married couple has all the other married couples come and dance with them. There are times in life when you just need to realize that there's no point in fighting it anymore...you are meant for whatever it is. I am now going to stop fighting this being single thing. I'm going to work on dealing with the fact that I'm one of those people who is meant to be alone. This would be more awesome if I wasn't allergic to cats so I could have some sort of companion. It would also be nice if I had a job where I could be a hermit. That way I wouldn't have to be visible to the rest of the public who keeps telling me to be patient and that I will meet someone. Yeah right world..that is a lie that friends tell other friends just to make them feel better, when in reality there are people who don't find someone. Maybe life would be better if people could just be truthful and say...you know what, it's totally possible that you will be alone forever -- Because it is.

A new school year

I started school about 2.5 weeks ago and so far it's been pretty good. No huge issues so far. I only have one class I dislike and they aren't even that horrible. I love my novels classes! They are great kids and we are having a good time reading Catcher in the Rye! I have a few young admirers as usual. The topic of this school year has definitely been whether I am in a relationship and if I'm dating one of the male teachers at our school. The answer to that is no, but unfortunately they can't get that in their heads. My favorite moment so far this year has been when one of the junior boys asked me why I don't wear shorts to school and then told me that he is sure I probably have some really nice legs I could show off. What a lovely moment. Those are they times when I just turn away because I have nothing to say. Most of the time those are also the moments that make my day more interesting! I love kids and their randomness!!

Thank goodness for Benjamin Franklin

Today I experienced life without electricity. I did not enjoy it. First I woke up around 4:00 am to a loud thunder storm and a lack of alarm clock. I went back to sleep and when I woke up for real around 7am the electricity was still out. It did not come back on until 9:40am. This means that I went to school today with makeup that was put on in the dark and hair that looked like crap. If you know me at all I do not leave my house without makeup and fixed hair. I don't nessessarily look beautiful all the time, but I at least attempt to not look like hell. Today I had no choice in the matter. The really unfortunate part is that not only did I look like crap, but with the job I have I get to be watched by about 150 kids per day. So I was scrutinized all day abotu why I looked tired and why my hair was up in a ponytail. Obviously I didn't have a choice kiddies...I never wear my hair up...this was not a fashion statement. I am now much more thankful for electricity and the joy it brings to my life. Thank you to all the people who made this possible for me! I love you Benjamin Frankling and Thomas Edison!

On a side note...I wish people who wanted to be my friend would put forth a bit more effort in that department. Why am I always the person calling someone? Is it impossible for other people to call or write to me? Am I that far out of people's thoughts that they can't simply write a little hello to me or have a chat? I realize that I have a semi-nonexciting life, but really everyone else can't be that busy. If you want to take the time and be someone's friend you take the time. Or you are a not very good friend.

A great summer...

Thank goodness I am now over my depression of last week. I don't know what got into me exactly, but obviously I was having a few problems. (Actually I think it might have had to do with my female issue of the month, but that was only part of it) Now that I am back to happy and normal Jessica I have decided that this has been a great summer. I have been very busy and gone from Mapleton every weekend. I am getting excited for the normal schedule of school and to see some of the kids, but I will definitely miss my summer days off!

There are many things about this summer that made it great. It started out excellently with Megan's wedding. That was a super fun time. I liked the dancing and the people! My family vacation this year was a good time. Minnesota isn't the most exciting place, but my immediate family had some fabulous days together so that made it more fun. Next time I will see the big Paul Bunyan/Babe and not just his lover. Laura's wedding was beautiful and made me know just how much I'm going to miss her not being around every day next year! The fourth of July was fantastic. I got to see most of the people in Anita that I love and also hang out with some new people that I enjoy. Plus I got to revisit the awesome sights of Anita. Another trip to Mahoney with the Tastebuds was just what the summer needed. I don't really like roughing it, but with those people it's nothing but fun. I also like winning and since I beat the other "kids" at mini golf I feel good about my skills in that area. Las Vegas was a new experience that I think I needed to feel like the rebel that I'm trying to be. I guess it's less rebellious when you go with your parents, but I'm still working on that. My first concert ever also happened this summer. Heart, Journey, Cheap Trick!!! Sheila and Nicole's bachelorette parties were both extremely fun. I definitely enjoyed seeing friends I hadn't seen in awhile and dancing up a storm. I apparently love dancing, but only after at least 5 drinks!

About a week and a half and the summer is over. I am sad to see it go, but I have a few more exciting things coming up before it's done. Triathlon this weekend and Nicole's wedding the next!!!

Don't wish, don't start - Wishing only wounds the heart

After the previous blog and then my continuing semi-disappointing life lately I have decided that apparently I need to make an effort to actually be positive. More like I need to figure out what I like about myself so I don't doubt if I'm good enough whenever anything not so good goes on. So this list might look a little like I'm obsessed with myself, but really I have a hard time thinking of good things about myself. This would be my lack of self confidence which many find annoying about me.

Reasons I should like myself:
1. Apparently I have a good personality. I would say that I am funny and can be entertaining. I have heard from people that I am a good storyteller. The problem with this list thing is that for every good thing I can think of a few bad things about the good one. My personality pretty much gets me nowhere, but that's not thinking positive so I will stop.
2. I am not completely hideous to look at. It's unfortunate that looks have so much to do with what people think about themselves. I don't want to care what I look like or what people think of my looks, but how can you not? If they think you aren't worth looking at then they generally don't take the time to get to know your personality. There are things I like about my appearance. I enjoy my hair, my eyes, and my hands. That's pretty much it.

I'm tired of thinking about myself now so that's the whole list at the moment. It's kind of a pathetic attempt actually. Oh well.

As the summer continues I am beginning to really think that I need a therapist and that many people I know could also use a little help. At the beginning of summer I thought I was pretty issue free, but obviously I am not. They were just hidden for awhile waiting for the right situation to make them come out all crazily!

The positives to being negative

Although I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for, I also feel like generally I'm pretty unlucky. Things do not come easily to me, except injuring myself. Yesterday I stubbed my pinky toe which was both unlucky and very easy for me to do. What I'm getting at here is that sometimes things happen in my life and I accidentally think positively about them. This is a huge mistake. I wouldn't even say I think positively about them, it's more like I don't really think negatively about them. I just let them be and semi-hope for the best. Many times I have learned this is a terrible way for me to do things. I should always just be negative until there's an actual reason to be positive, which is normally never. If you just stay negative there's never the surprise moment where it doesn't work out. You just know it won't and therefore don't feel quite as bad when it goes wrong.

When looking back on my life I feel like the only two areas where I lucked out are my family and friends. I was blessed with a great family and I know that that's not always the case so I am very thankful for that. Friends on the other hand have never been too hard for me to get, I'm not saying I'm awesome or anything. Apparently once I get over the shy phase I'm pretty friendly. I'm all about communication so it's hard to stop being my friend. Unless of course you tell me I can't talk to you and then I do give up.

Aside from friends and family I have almost no luck. For awhile I bought the whole everything happens for a reason thing, but right now I don't. I thought maybe the bad situations were preparing me for something good later. At this point I'm thinking it's just preparing me for more unfortunate situations. I know I'm only 24 so obviously there's time for something good to happen before I kick it, but really we don't know that. I think maybe I'm just one of those people who's meant to be sort of happy with life, but never really truely happy with themselves or their life. I hate that if I take a step back and look at my life I know it's a good one, but being in it doesn't seem as good. I sound like an idiot not being completely happy with everything I do have, but I guess that's part of my problem.

On another different, yet similar note. I don't want to get married any time soon. Unfortunately the rest of the world is tricking me into thinking I do. Right now when I look at the pictures around my desk there are six pictures where I am the only single person in the picture. It's not just that these other girls are in relationships, every one of them has a diamond too. I know that I am not ready for that stage, but I am also very sick of everyone else being there. I love that my friends are happy and that most of them want me in the wedding. It's awesome that I now have half a closet full of bridesmaid dresses to remind me of my predicament. It's really only a matter of time before every one of my friends is married and I'm sitting around without a cat because I'm allergic. Not only will I be alone, but I can't even have a furry companion. Another part of the issue is that I don't even know what I want. I can't possibly find someone to spend the rest of my life with when I don't even know what I want to do in the future. Plus I don't think I will ever like someone enough to want to see them every day and I'm pretty sure when you're married you have to see them quite frequently. So I am going to focus on planning my funeral which I know will eventually happen and stop ever giving thought to what I might do if I get married. I do not need a man to make my life complete, but I need to not feel like a freak for not having one.

This whole blog isn't really going in the direction that I intended it to go. There are just so many things in life that I don't understand and I know I never will. I like to know things and plan ahead. I just need to realize that you can't plan life. It just happens, whether it's good or bad, there's nothing I can do. I guess I'll just try to go with the flow...

Being partially psychotic...

As much as I would like to not be a psychotic person, I think I am one. Fortunately, I am the type that probably doesn't need to seek help. Mostly my problem comes from my constant need to analyze. It doesn't matter what the subject is, I will analyze it. This might also go with my obsession with talking. I have much more to talk about because I'm analyzing things. It's almost like a multiple personality disorder because one side of me can think logically about something and realize why it's happening and the other side of me makes things up that are usually incorrect. Most of the time I believe the creative making things up side, also a problem.

I feel like I should take some steps to work on this issue. I'm not sure what I can do about it because my brain just keeps going when I try to stop.

My Lucky Day!!

I had my first lucky person moment today. Ok, I may have had one or two before, but mostly I feel that I'm a generally unlucky person. This morning I mowed the lawn, which was not fun. Lots of gross dog poop around from my lovely neighbors. As I was putting away the lawn mower I noticed that one of my car tires had a metal thing sticking out of it. It was pretty pointy and semi-thick. I called my dad who instructed me to try to pull it out and then take it somewhere if the tire started to lose air. I'm not very strong so I couldn't get it out. I took the car down to the Napa store and the nice man there came to check out the situation. Then he brought his tools and pulled the metal thing out which was about 2 inches long. LUCKILY it went in sideways so it didn't actually pop the tire and no air came out. It was great!!! So that would be the lucky moment. Moving on with my day. I then went to get the mail and got an invitation to a bachelorette party and on the invite it says "keeping with the wedding colors, please wear pink". Gross. I am not wearing pink. I'm pondering not going just because I have nothing pink and don't want to wear that hideous color anyway. After that annoyance, I decided I was hungry so I cooked a frozen noodle thing in the microwave. Unfortunately when I took it out of the microwave it was very hot and I dropped it. It bounced off the oven and landed face down. Noodles and sauce all over the floor and my clothes. I then ate a bologna sandwich. Yum.

Curb Squirrel

I feel like this phrase goes well with what I posted earlier today. I learned this new phrase from Emily who learned it from Ben. So thank you to Ben for this awesome saying. A curb squirrel is something like a hooker/woman of the night. The definition I like to think of would be someone who does things out of character that are slightly promiscuous. Mostly it's fun to say! :)

Boy dates Girl - my new favorite book

The other day I was going through a box of old pictures and stumbled upon a book that my mom found at my grandparents house when we were going through their stuff. It's called Boy dates Girl and is all dating advice. It was written in 1949 so it's extremely helpful to me right now. I thought I should share my favorite piece of information so far. I got it a little late unfortunately!

"Q. On a first date with a boy you like, should you kiss him good night?

A. A kiss good-night is all right
But, remember this--
That a kiss good-night
Leads to another kiss--
Okay. So What? It isn't as if you were going out for necking. That isn't your idea of a favorite sport. And you don't want the sort of passing poularity that's pegged on petting.
It's just that you'd rather not be known as a cold potato. Or maybe your argument is that "everybody does it." Or you don't know how to refuse.
Here's the answer.
Here's the story -- you write the ending. A boy asks you for a date. Why? He likes your looks. Or he likes your style. Or he's in a dating mood and you happen to be within talking distance.
You have the date and get alone fine. He's keen on aviation and your brother is an Air Force pilot, you have something to talk about. On the way home you pass the office of the Morning Star and he tells yoiu about his ambitions to become a roving reporter, flying his own plane. It all sounds exciting, thrilling, heart-throbbing.
By the time you reach home you're all aglow. So, when he starts to kiss you, you can't think of any reasonable reason why not. Or can you?
Sure, you've had a wonderful time. He has, too. You've clicked on almost everything - seemingly. you want him to ask you for another date. Maybe "a kiss good-night" would cinch the matter!
But if "a kiss good-night" would cinch it, how could you be sure why he's be asking you for another date? Would it be because of the "click" or the clinch??? Woul dhe be coming back because he liked you or because he liked your kisses???
If you do kiss the boys goodnight, you're running the risk of having yourself foot-noted as an "easy number." And if you think that the corner-drug huddle or the boys' locker-room gang are discussing the national debt, you'd better do some second thinking! What sort of reputation do you want? Now's the time to decide -- not later, when you wish you could correct a few "slippance" impressions.
Any girl who thinks that lasting romances are built on physical attraction is only kiddin herself, perhaps even excusing herself, fo rnothaving developed personality enough to attract a boy on an honest basis. Any girl can give a guy "a kiss good-night," but it's the smart girl who is No. 1 on the Personality Parade.
Some of the smartest girls think it's better to keep 'em guessing. "

Oh how the times have changed. I suppose maybe it's still a good idea to try to be No. 1 on the Personality Parade and not on some other sort of parade. Personally I just enjoy the little song and the lingo used. I found a few other interesting tidbits about "petting" and "necking" which I will share later.

Toll Experiences

Last weekend Kathryn, Kayla, and I went on a little trip to Chicago. We drove and therefore came in contact with tolls that needed to be paid. The first time went very smoothly. I gave the money and went through. The 2nd toll man was VERY friendly. It went something like this:
Toll man- How are you today?
Me- Good, how are you?
Toll man- Good, are you having fun?
Me- yes
Toll man- Why? (who asks why someone is having fun? - awkward pause)
Me- (hesitant) Driving is excellent!
Kayla and Kathryn- hysterical laughter.

My next moment came when Kayla and I went to visit Krista. We had to exit where there was a toll on the offramp. This was one where you just sort of throw the money in the thing as you are stopping. Unfortunately for me I drove a little too far forward and not close to the thing at all so when I rolled the window down I definitly couldn't reach the thing so I just chucked the change out of the window. I only got two coins in the actual contraption and the rest flew to the ground. At this point I had no idea what to do so I just sped off Bonnie and Clyde style!!!

Boones Farm and the dentist

For quite some time I've had half a bottle of Boones Farm in my refrigerator. I hope it never goes bad because I decided to drink it tonight. I think it's from October.

I went to the doctor for my hurting jaw/constant headache and pain. She gave me some pain pills (yummy) and sent me to this dentist in Sioux City to get a mouth guard thing. So I went to the dentist to get all fixed up and of course they decide to just chop off my arm as the payment. I had to get xrays to make sure my teeth were ok and while doing these xrays I learned that I apparently have a very small mouth. I was not aware of this issue before. I guess I assume since I eat a lot and yell loudly that my mouth was normal size. Apparently not. She tried one type of xray which was too big and then a smaller one which was still too big, but it was the only option left. She shoved it in there...jamming it into my gums and finally got the xray done. They also had to do those mouth impressions like they do for braces and I pretty much gagged the whole time. I hate not being able to control that reflex...I'm 24 for pete sake I should be able to just breathe. Anyway, at the end of the visit I had totaled up a $700 bill and left with a few tears in my eyes. I did steal a pen and two chapsticks so I felt like I got something out of the deal. It was pretty much the most horrible dental experience I've had...ever.

Not to worry my problems are not over. My jaw pain is now gone, but unfortunately the 7 canker sores that the prodding caused are now flaring up my entire mouth. I went back to the doctor and am now on antibiotics and "magic mouthwash".

School is Out!!!!

I can't tell you how glad I am that school is over for the summer. I have been out for about 2 weeks and it is fabulous. Actually nothing very fabulous has happened except that I've only seen 3 students since then and didn't really talk to any of them. I like to avoid them so they miss me more by the fall. I have started gardening, the flower variety. I love them. They are my little babies. I like to check every day to see if there are new blooms. They are beautiful! I think tomorrow I will venture to the school for the first time and do some organizing. Yeah for summer!!!

Realizations

While driving between Des Moines, Anita, and Mapleton today I realized I am an amazing singer. I just have a fabulous vocal range. Ok I might not be completely amazing, but I can really sing loud. The reason this is spectacular is because when I was in high school I'm pretty sure I lost out to some killer musical parts because I sang too quietly. Obviously my loudness has grown since my young years.

I arrived in Mapleton to see numerous people mowing their lawns and cleaning up their yards. I parked the car and came inside. I haven't left yet. I do enjoy the outside, but not cleaning or mowing it. That is zero fun.

Tulip Time was this weekend. It was very windy, but still very fun.

Bad Luck

On my last post I wrote something about being single and being able to take a hot shower whenever I want to. I was wrong. The morning after I wrote that I woke up to a cold shower. Apparently my water heater broke which left me with not just cold water but arctic temperature water. Of course this started off my morning badly and I yelled at a few kids in the beginning of the day. Then I had to call around to get someone to come look at the problem. In the process I remembered how much I hate being a grown up. I mean I like most things, but getting help from others is not my thing. Anyway, I called all around and pretty much no one was any help and I kept calling my dad to ask stupid questions because I get nervous in adult situations. Unfortunately I'm already quite stressed this week (musical this weekend) and instead of just figuring it will work out. I definitely broke down in tears while on the phone with my dad...and yes this is during the last 5 minutes of my prep period. Luckily only one child noticed my red eyes and I told her lots of things were wrong, but that I would survive. My dad came today and installed a new water heater! I love my dad!!

In other news...today I made the sophomores do this activity where they each had a character from To Kill a Mockingbird and they had to ask each other questions and then answer as if they were their character. So pretty much it was a role play activity. I assumed it would go horribly since they are not so into doing what they're supposed to. I almost didn't do the activity, but then I decided that I shouldn't figure they can't do things...I should at least try it. The good news is that two of the periods did awesome!! It was hilarious to hear their answers and especially their southern accents! They got really into it and thought they needed to speak in a southern accent the rest of the day. Oh kids. Moral of the story: it doesn't hurt to try new things, sometimes it can surprise you how well it can go!!!

We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle - Marilyn Monroe

I found that quote on my Sister calendar that Kathryn gave me for Christmas. Although she was not known for her intellect I think Marilyn has a great idea there! I have had an incredibly busy last week and this coming week and during my hectic schedule I came to the conclusion that I am happy with the person I am. Not to say that I can't continue to improve myself because obviously I'm not perfect, but I guess I just like the person I seem to be becoming. This whole being in the real world for a little while now has taught me a lot about myself. I went through a big phase during part of this year where I felt like I was pretty much going to be single forever and that the next step in my life needed to be a relationship. I am now rethinking that idea and realizing that it will happen if it's supposed to. Although this whole love business has happened to many of my friends already, that doesn't mean it's my time at any point in the near future. I'm just going to have to wait and it will either happen or it won't. Either way I have a good life and there are many positives to being a single person. Let's just take a look at some that I can think of at this moment...
1. Right now I have my music blaring and I don't have to worry about if someone else would prefer to listen to something else. I love Heart!
2. I plan to watch the ABC Family movie Princess tonight, this does not seem like a male movie, but luckily I don't have to worry about sharing the tv.
3. Since I live alone I don't have to worry about someone else using all the hot water during a shower. I can use it all!
4. At this point most of my students think I'm this exciting mystery person (well sort of) and if I were married that would really take the mystery away. That's not one of my better reasons it just came to mind.

Moving on to my general thoughts about marrying early in life:
--Let's think about this: If you get married around the age of 24 you have so much less time to just think about yourself and be selfish. I guess that being selfish isn't really a good thing, but if it's indulging yourself and learning more about yourself without someone else's opinions thrown in there then I feel like being selfish is ok?!
--Also if you get married in your early 20s just think how long you are stuck with that person. I mean that's just scary. FOREVER?! That is quite a long time. This way I'll have less time to get tired of someone.

Something I never want to lose no matter if I'm in a relationship or not is knowing that by myself I can be fabulous. I don't need someone else around to tell me or to make me feel like I matter. I matter. The world would probably not notice if I were one day missing, but I think enough people would that I can feel like my presence has meant something.

Prom and beyond...

Under the Sea! That's the theme of this year's prom which happened last weekend. The best part of this years prom was that I got all of Friday off to help the juniors decorate! I loved having the day off and getting to help them create things!! We had an awesome group of kids helping so it was a really fun day! I don't remember ever being so tired during one weekend. I spent Saturday getting a new camera (I dropped mine while decorating and broke the screen), decorating some more, and chaperoning prom. Sunday I spent my afternoon/evening creating a 20 mattress bed for the musical. I have never spent so much time using a staple gun. Those stinking kids do not appreciate my work!! The musical is this coming weekend and I'm quite nervous! I think it will probably come together, but who knows? I'll try to think positively, which is very hard for me.

A glutton for punishment

Becoming a teacher means going to work every day to be completely unappreciated. It means working tons of extra hours trying to figure out ways to help students understand something that they have no interest in trying to understand in the first place. Talking about important things in class when at least 10 of them are talking at the same time and totally not listening. Feeling constantly that you are failing at getting anything in their heads but deep down knowing that the teacher can't do everything, the students have to want to learn too. At this point in the year I see absolutely no positive parts of my job except that I get 2 months away from it in the summer. Obviously I had a bad day.

Be careful what you wish for...

I have learned a valuable lesson this weekend and in order to not forget what I've learned I will write the full account here. The story unfolded on Saturday morning when I heard from a few of my other single friends that they might have done a little kissing recently. This made me think...Jessica, maybe it's time for you to drop a few of your ideas about relationships and just try to randomly make out with someone... so unlike a normal person I started to plot who I would enjoy randomly kissing which obviously would make it a bit less random and more like an attack. I have now come to terms with the fact that my personality wouldn't let me kiss a stranger even if I wanted to. Anyway, on to the moral of the story here. Saturday night a group of Mapletonish (Mapleton and surrounding area) friends of mine decided to hit up a bar in Castana. This would be a very small town in our school district. Most of the people who were along for this trip are people I am quite familiar with, except one...we'll call him Bill. Bill is an odd case in general because he's probably in his 40s and has children close to my age. Well, Bill was on the prowl for his next fling that evening. He and the other boys were scanning the possible victims and pointing out the front runners. I was sitting by Kayla and Erin minding my own business. Little did I know that soon to come were a few moments which I think have scarred me for life. I was sitting on a bar stool with my back to the bar when out of nowhere comes Bill. He pretty much lays on top of me like he's reaching for something, but really looking back I now know that he just felt the need to feel me up. Awesome. In this situation I didn't really know what to do so I just brushed it off and tried to move on. A while later Bill does the same thing only this time he leans his head really close to mine so that his mouth is even with my ear and he whispers (ickily) to me asking if I'd like a sloppy kiss and mentioning that he's looking for a little action. I said no to both ideas and squirmed myself out of his arms. I thought that the look of terror on my face might make him move on, but I didn't know he was a very persistent man. He went to talk to Erin for awhile, asking her questions about me and then after they finished her chat and I was sidetracked talking to someone else....BAM he's back on me and his lips are headed for mine. Thank goodness all of my reflexes haven't gone away because I moved my face in the nick of time!! He missed and then tried to inch his way across but didn't make it. Now at this point I feel like slapping him would have been an ok idea, but since he was friends with the other boys I was trying to be semi-nice. He later tried to tickle me and at this point I scooted away completely. A few minutes later grabbed Kayla's keys and ran for the door. My point here is that I should probably just wait for the right person to be kissing and not hoping to just kiss anyone because obviously just anyone isn't what I want!!! Darn these life lessons!

Barracuda

Moving on is a very hard thing to do. It doesn't matter what you are moving on from it will always be hard. I have a difficult time dealing with the fact that there are some things you just need to forget. At some point it is just time to delete the memory and completely decide that that phase of life is over. Although I realize this, I still have trouble. It's the deep down struggle with what you know you should do and what your heart still wants you to do instead. I'm not really sure how to deal with this inner issue. I can decide to just let it go and see how that works, but I'm guessing that plan will not work. The better plan is to eat some ice cream, feel crappy, and hope that I wake up tomorrow with a little bit of planned amnesia.

Damaged

Here I am a week into my 24th year of life and I guess so far it's pretty good. I spent my birthday with some fun people in Des Moines so that was excellent! The only issue thus far has been the breaking down of my body. I am pretty sure that I am starting to feel my oldness. Let's take for example the exact day I turned 24 and how during the actual hour I was born I injured myself. I will set up the scene for you: the week before my birthday (when I was still 23) I may have let out to the school children that I can jump over my own foot, which is an amazing talent. So that week I jumped over my feet quite a few times with NO problems. So on Sunday I decided to show off my skills, but I forgot that by this point I was truly 24. I jumped one foot...all is going well, but when I go for the other foot I happen to come down on my ankle and it just went out. Girl down. It wasn't exactly a fall it was more like a stumble but it was still very upsetting. I hope my 24th year brings a few more fun surprises but with a little less injury!

The single life

I need to go to bed, but before that happens I'd like to discuss my weekend. I spent most of it alone. Friday I went to see the movie Penelope with Kayla. She didn't really want to see it, but in the end we both liked it and it was a brilliant choice by me! I love being right. Saturday and Sunday were both spent alone. I think that's why I ended up feeling a bit kooky tonight! Alone-ness that would be the single life part of my title. Single people who live in smallish towns end up alone more I'd say because there aren't tons of people to call or a roommate to come home. I normally enjoy this and this weekend mostly did, but then I realized that I had had no human contact and that's just not safe when you're of the personality I am. Anyway...I decided today that I should get a start on writing a book because at this rate I will be alone forever. Jane Austen and Harper Lee never married (although Harper is still alive so she could), but it's more ok to be alone if you've done something spectacular which I have not. So I need to get on that. It's more likely that I'll write an excellent book than find a man at this point...

The absolute worst part of this weekend was daylight savings. I hate it. I woke up this morning at 10 and then realized it was daylight savings so it was really 11!! What is that about? Had I remembered this horrible time change I would have gotten up an hour earlier to extend my day, but no I forgot until it was too late. I was very upset that I would have less time to lounge and do nothing before attempting to do something so instead of starting my work earlier I decided to lay around for a few hours wasting more time. Not to worry I got everything done that I needed to, but the day just didn't start right.

Well, off to bed. I better take my magic pill to regulate my sleeping!! :)

Save the Date

In the last two weeks I received 3 save the date cards from friends who apparently are getting married. I suppose I understand that in order to have people attend the wedding they must save the date and what better way than a magnet with your picture or a nice little card. I personally feel that save the date cards have another meaning. I believe the less noticed message of these cards would be the "I have a man and you don't" message with a little "Another invitation reminding you of this to follow" I realize that people in general are not horrible enough to really send it for that reason, but why must you inform me twice about the same event? If we are really friends I will have heard it from you and then get the invitation. This whole save the date thing is just unnecessary. So if hypothetically someone accidentally gets stuck with me for life...you will not be receiving a save the date card. And if you do it will say on it: "I finally have a man and sorry for those of you who don't!"

One of the worst moments so far as a teacher

I knew that sometime I would have to go through something like this, but I didn't anticipate it so early in my teaching career. Today one of my students passed away. She got in a car accident last night and died in surgery today. The students were incredibly quiet and obviously upset today. At the end of the day we went to class meetings where the principal told each class that she had passed away and I have to say that that was one of the worst moments of my life. It was a burst of crying and hugging. I didn't know Steph Heinse that well, but I know that she will be missed by this community and school. Her class is going to have a long rest of their senior year. Things like the death of someone so young are things that you can't comprehend because there's no reason why something like this should happen. I hope that the students can learn from this and really appriciate the people who are important in their lives.

oh the snow...

It's quite a blustery day here in Mapleton. Three teachers (not me) fell on the sidewalks on the way into the school and we got out 2 hours early. Craziness! What have I done with my extra time...well I cleaned up a bit and started a collage of hot men. Obviously that is an excellent use of time.

It has been a week since Heath Ledger passed away and I'm still pretty sad about it. It's really funny (in a non-funny sort of way) the things that affect people. I don't know why this specific celebrity death is upsetting me so much? I guess it's a mystery.

Always a bridesmaid...

I just saw the movie 27 Dresses tonight and it was excellent!! I loved every minute of it. Laura, Kayla, and I pretty much laughed the whole time. Hilarious! Although you might think it would make me feel worse about my current state of singlness it definitely didn't...I actually feel better! I would recommend this movie to all people and I will definitely be buying it when it comes out! Besides that I had a long day of inservice, but got a lot accomplished so all is well in the neighborhood! :)

Singlness

I'm not sure that the word singlness is a word or that it would be spelled like that. Back to the real subject...I had a weekend visit to Des Moines where I realized that I am one of the only single people left in the world. Ok, so not the whole world but that's sort of what it felt like. After a nice 2.5 hour drive I am feeling much better about my life. I have decided not to be upset about being unmarried/having no love of a lifetime until I'm 26. So I have a few more years until I completely panick and need psychological help. Yippy for all the people who do have their love, but I can wait for someone who is perfect for me and maybe it's just not the time.

Another lovely thing I read about this weekend that helped my mid-20s weekend crisis was a little article in Time magazine that I read which said:
Marry me...Say yes, and you're in for more than love, children and a home. Better health and a longer life are part of the deal...
So now I know that if I don't find someone I will most likely not live as long as my married friends.

Quite distraught

Today is a very sad day and I feel semi-strange that I am this upset by it. Heath Ledger died earlier today and I just feel like this is a terrible thing. He was only 28 and very talented. He also leaves behind a 2 year old daughter which is probably the worst part. I know it sounds strange but I am just really sad about it. I have one of those feelings in the pit of my stomach where I just feel uncomfortable. It's upsetting to think that there will be no more movies with him involved and that he never got to see his last movie. Anyway, I just thought I'd write a little about that because I'm feeling a lot of empathy for his family and friends.

Drats

Thank goodness the weekend is over because mine was not so great. It started with Saturday when I tried to dry some clothes in the dryer and dum dum dum it started to explode in a cloud of smoke. It smelled awful and needless to say the dryer doesn't work anymore. Lucky for me I have tons of laundry and now can not do it. Then I had to take kids to Group Speech and unfortunately they got a 1 rating so now I have to take them to State. That sounds like it should be a good thing, but really it's just lots of extra work and another wasted Saturday. I feel like something else annoying happened but now I can't remember what it was. Darn my memory!

Inner Turmoil

"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." - Bernard Meltzer

I just got done looking through the scrapbook Krista made for me. I will admit that I teared up a bit. Although I generally appriciate my friends, I feel like I sometimes forget just how much I love them and need them in my life. So thank you to my friends for being so fabulous! I was going to get a bit more mushy but then I decided to hold that in for another time.

I have been having some inner turmoil lately dealing with being happy. I (usually) love my life in Mapleton. When I first came here I was very scared to be on my own and now I am really glad that this is the small town I ended up in. I feel like I am a different person here than I normally am. Not in a bad way, but just different. When I'm here I have to be a grown up and do my own thing. I have no one to depend on but myself. I'm also at a school that has an excellent staff. Overall, the kids are pretty good too. I have made some great friends here and there's a fun group of younger people to hang out with. When people visit they may not understand why I like living in a small town, but for some reason I love being in a town that pretty much has nothing in it. Maybe it helps me appreciate doing other things in bigger cities? So overall I am quite happy in Mapleton. The only problem is it's location in comparison to most of my friends. Here is where the turmoil lies. I would love to live closer to Des Moines to be a little more centrally located, but at the same time there is no guarantee that I'd end up in such a great little town. I do not want to live in the city and I do not want to teach in the city. I just don't know where I see my life going at this point....

I have always had this gift for making amazing friends and right now is when it's seeming like it's not as good a gift as I thought. I can't be near all of my friends. No matter where I live I will be far away from some of them. What's worse is that I just keep making more friends. I wouldn't say I'm adding on tons of new people, but the newest ones are just as special as the ones I've known since kindergarten. I would love to be able to see everyone every day, but that's never going to work out.

So far I have figured nothing out, but rambled about a lot of things...my analyzing never seems to work!

Wrestle Mania

I just got back from my first wrestling meet of this year and it was awesome! Apparently I am now the type of person who enjoys wrestling as a sport. Last year I felt a little sketchy about it but today I enjoyed yelling and watching the "fighting". It's thrilling. Almost more exciting than watching basketball... Laura and I are going to get t-shirts made that say MVAO Wrestling on the front and "be a man, rub some dirt in it" on the back!!! Sounds brilliant to me!

Although I've only had two days of work this week, and one of the days was just mentoring meetings, I'm still ready for a weekend. I just have so much stuff to plan and figure out for this semester so I need some time.

We posted the parts for the play today and that wasn't good. Lots of kids are happy, but also lots of kids (girls) were upset. I had one girl who had a lead in the play last year get upset about getting a small part, but really there are less big parts in a musical because of all the singing so you can't expect as much. She did a great job last year, but there were lots of good people who tried out this year so that's life. I feel guilty and bad for her, but obviously I can't change it and I wouldn't either. Grrr...emotions!

Our Song

So at this moment I'm listening to Taylor Swift sing Our Song, which (although it is country) is a cute song. Generally, I dislike country but occasionally I will enjoy a song. I admit it.

Today the music teacher and I cast the musical. It's such a big deal because it's really important to these kids. I just remember when I tried out for high school musicals and how disappointed I was when I didn't get the part I wanted. Slightly different since I didn't always think the leads deserved their parts. I really considered that when I was picking people, I made sure they were kids who deserved what they were getting and who would appriciate it. They are also kids who I won't mind spending extra time with. Life is about to get busy!

Being a girl is NOT all it's cracked up to be. Actually at this moment I'm not sure what the positives are?

Things that are constantly annoying about being a girl:

• obviously the visit from Aunt Flow monthly isn't the best -- also not looking forward to the "miracle of birth" -- Bleck!
• getting up early enough to try to look nice daily -- doing hair, makeup, and trying to match
• always feeling like I should eat less or work out -- I just don't want to but that doesn't mean I don't feel like that's a flaw.
• constantly analyzing men -- wouldn't it be nice to not realize what was going on around me instead of noticing every little bitty thing? Sometimes I'd like to be the one playing the "oblivious" card.
• it's always worse for a girl to be single than a boy -- it's like boys choose to be single, but girls are just losers who can't find someone. Maybe I like being on my own. Is it possible that I like finding out what I want from life before I share it with someone?

Those are just a few of my annoyances right now. I'm sure I could come up with more if I didn't need to go to bed! :)

Crabby

Why is it never ok to be crabby? I am crabby right now and apparently that emotion is not ok. People are at my house which is fine but I am not so much in the mood for lots of games and things so forcing me to play makes me more mad. I don't know why this crabby mood happened, probably because I felt icky all day and then went to the worst christmas party ever. There weren't very many fun teachers there so it was quite boring. I am just not in the mood for people to make annoying comments or be in my personal space. This was a little bit of a venting session, but I needed it. Grrrr....

Christmas Break

I took a few weeks off of blogging while I was away from Mapleton so my blog is very behind. I would like to report that I had a great Christmas! Lots of family bonding and seeing friends so that was excellent. I did have a date which most people who read this already know. It was good, but nothing too earth shattering. I spent New Years in Des Moines with some of my favorite people! I've been back at school for two days and so far nothing too terrible has happened. Musical auditions have started and it's going to be hard to cast it. There are around 40 kids who want to try out and definitely not that many parts. I'm going to post the list and run in case there is an uproar. I think that's about it for now. More later I swear!!