The Future

Clearly I have no idea what my future holds...I don't know where I want to be, who I want to be, who I want to be with, or what I want to be doing. Sometimes I just don't think about what I want for my life. It's easier to just go with the flow and see what happens. Unfortunately sometimes you can't do that. I love my job, but there are times when I realize that I will not be able to do it for my whole life. It works for now while I'm alone and have nothing else to do, but what about later when (hopefully) I have a family. I have decided I need to go back to school(not high school). I think that I want to pursue being a high school guidance councelor. It's scary thinking about doing the college thing again. I assume I'm still moderately intelligent, but occasionally I think that maybe I lost all my knowledge somewhere. I definitely hope that's not the case. I guess we'll see. Going back to school would mean probably staying in Mapleton while I'm doing that. Don't get me wrong, I like it here. The problem is mostly the fact that Mapleton is not very close to anything. Sometimes I feel really alone here. Yes, I have friends close by, but I feel like everyone else has a someone else in their life or that they are too busy to care what I'm doing. Lately I've been having trouble understanding why some friendships drift apart and dealing with the fact that sometimes it can't be helped. Just because I want it to not happen, doesn't mean it won't. I like to think that I'm a strong person and that I can get through things on my own. I want to think that I don't need people around me and that I'm totally fine if I don't keep in touch with my friends and family, but I'm not fine. I don't like being out of touch. I like to be semi-surrounded. (The semi part being that I do like my space.) That rant was a bit off topic, but since it's my blog that's how it's going to be.

I want a road map of the future. I have said this a few times and it probably won't change. Really it's not that I want to know all the ways I'm getting places but I want to know what it ends up like. Maybe I just want a snapshot of myself in my 80's...if I see a bunch of cats behind me I will assume that my life pretty much stayed the same...I really hope that isn't what I'm meant for!