Thank goodness I am now over my depression of last week. I don't know what got into me exactly, but obviously I was having a few problems. (Actually I think it might have had to do with my female issue of the month, but that was only part of it) Now that I am back to happy and normal Jessica I have decided that this has been a great summer. I have been very busy and gone from Mapleton every weekend. I am getting excited for the normal schedule of school and to see some of the kids, but I will definitely miss my summer days off!
There are many things about this summer that made it great. It started out excellently with Megan's wedding. That was a super fun time. I liked the dancing and the people! My family vacation this year was a good time. Minnesota isn't the most exciting place, but my immediate family had some fabulous days together so that made it more fun. Next time I will see the big Paul Bunyan/Babe and not just his lover. Laura's wedding was beautiful and made me know just how much I'm going to miss her not being around every day next year! The fourth of July was fantastic. I got to see most of the people in Anita that I love and also hang out with some new people that I enjoy. Plus I got to revisit the awesome sights of Anita. Another trip to Mahoney with the Tastebuds was just what the summer needed. I don't really like roughing it, but with those people it's nothing but fun. I also like winning and since I beat the other "kids" at mini golf I feel good about my skills in that area. Las Vegas was a new experience that I think I needed to feel like the rebel that I'm trying to be. I guess it's less rebellious when you go with your parents, but I'm still working on that. My first concert ever also happened this summer. Heart, Journey, Cheap Trick!!! Sheila and Nicole's bachelorette parties were both extremely fun. I definitely enjoyed seeing friends I hadn't seen in awhile and dancing up a storm. I apparently love dancing, but only after at least 5 drinks!
About a week and a half and the summer is over. I am sad to see it go, but I have a few more exciting things coming up before it's done. Triathlon this weekend and Nicole's wedding the next!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Don't wish, don't start - Wishing only wounds the heart
After the previous blog and then my continuing semi-disappointing life lately I have decided that apparently I need to make an effort to actually be positive. More like I need to figure out what I like about myself so I don't doubt if I'm good enough whenever anything not so good goes on. So this list might look a little like I'm obsessed with myself, but really I have a hard time thinking of good things about myself. This would be my lack of self confidence which many find annoying about me.
Reasons I should like myself:
1. Apparently I have a good personality. I would say that I am funny and can be entertaining. I have heard from people that I am a good storyteller. The problem with this list thing is that for every good thing I can think of a few bad things about the good one. My personality pretty much gets me nowhere, but that's not thinking positive so I will stop.
2. I am not completely hideous to look at. It's unfortunate that looks have so much to do with what people think about themselves. I don't want to care what I look like or what people think of my looks, but how can you not? If they think you aren't worth looking at then they generally don't take the time to get to know your personality. There are things I like about my appearance. I enjoy my hair, my eyes, and my hands. That's pretty much it.
I'm tired of thinking about myself now so that's the whole list at the moment. It's kind of a pathetic attempt actually. Oh well.
As the summer continues I am beginning to really think that I need a therapist and that many people I know could also use a little help. At the beginning of summer I thought I was pretty issue free, but obviously I am not. They were just hidden for awhile waiting for the right situation to make them come out all crazily!
Reasons I should like myself:
1. Apparently I have a good personality. I would say that I am funny and can be entertaining. I have heard from people that I am a good storyteller. The problem with this list thing is that for every good thing I can think of a few bad things about the good one. My personality pretty much gets me nowhere, but that's not thinking positive so I will stop.
2. I am not completely hideous to look at. It's unfortunate that looks have so much to do with what people think about themselves. I don't want to care what I look like or what people think of my looks, but how can you not? If they think you aren't worth looking at then they generally don't take the time to get to know your personality. There are things I like about my appearance. I enjoy my hair, my eyes, and my hands. That's pretty much it.
I'm tired of thinking about myself now so that's the whole list at the moment. It's kind of a pathetic attempt actually. Oh well.
As the summer continues I am beginning to really think that I need a therapist and that many people I know could also use a little help. At the beginning of summer I thought I was pretty issue free, but obviously I am not. They were just hidden for awhile waiting for the right situation to make them come out all crazily!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The positives to being negative
Although I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for, I also feel like generally I'm pretty unlucky. Things do not come easily to me, except injuring myself. Yesterday I stubbed my pinky toe which was both unlucky and very easy for me to do. What I'm getting at here is that sometimes things happen in my life and I accidentally think positively about them. This is a huge mistake. I wouldn't even say I think positively about them, it's more like I don't really think negatively about them. I just let them be and semi-hope for the best. Many times I have learned this is a terrible way for me to do things. I should always just be negative until there's an actual reason to be positive, which is normally never. If you just stay negative there's never the surprise moment where it doesn't work out. You just know it won't and therefore don't feel quite as bad when it goes wrong.
When looking back on my life I feel like the only two areas where I lucked out are my family and friends. I was blessed with a great family and I know that that's not always the case so I am very thankful for that. Friends on the other hand have never been too hard for me to get, I'm not saying I'm awesome or anything. Apparently once I get over the shy phase I'm pretty friendly. I'm all about communication so it's hard to stop being my friend. Unless of course you tell me I can't talk to you and then I do give up.
Aside from friends and family I have almost no luck. For awhile I bought the whole everything happens for a reason thing, but right now I don't. I thought maybe the bad situations were preparing me for something good later. At this point I'm thinking it's just preparing me for more unfortunate situations. I know I'm only 24 so obviously there's time for something good to happen before I kick it, but really we don't know that. I think maybe I'm just one of those people who's meant to be sort of happy with life, but never really truely happy with themselves or their life. I hate that if I take a step back and look at my life I know it's a good one, but being in it doesn't seem as good. I sound like an idiot not being completely happy with everything I do have, but I guess that's part of my problem.
On another different, yet similar note. I don't want to get married any time soon. Unfortunately the rest of the world is tricking me into thinking I do. Right now when I look at the pictures around my desk there are six pictures where I am the only single person in the picture. It's not just that these other girls are in relationships, every one of them has a diamond too. I know that I am not ready for that stage, but I am also very sick of everyone else being there. I love that my friends are happy and that most of them want me in the wedding. It's awesome that I now have half a closet full of bridesmaid dresses to remind me of my predicament. It's really only a matter of time before every one of my friends is married and I'm sitting around without a cat because I'm allergic. Not only will I be alone, but I can't even have a furry companion. Another part of the issue is that I don't even know what I want. I can't possibly find someone to spend the rest of my life with when I don't even know what I want to do in the future. Plus I don't think I will ever like someone enough to want to see them every day and I'm pretty sure when you're married you have to see them quite frequently. So I am going to focus on planning my funeral which I know will eventually happen and stop ever giving thought to what I might do if I get married. I do not need a man to make my life complete, but I need to not feel like a freak for not having one.
This whole blog isn't really going in the direction that I intended it to go. There are just so many things in life that I don't understand and I know I never will. I like to know things and plan ahead. I just need to realize that you can't plan life. It just happens, whether it's good or bad, there's nothing I can do. I guess I'll just try to go with the flow...
When looking back on my life I feel like the only two areas where I lucked out are my family and friends. I was blessed with a great family and I know that that's not always the case so I am very thankful for that. Friends on the other hand have never been too hard for me to get, I'm not saying I'm awesome or anything. Apparently once I get over the shy phase I'm pretty friendly. I'm all about communication so it's hard to stop being my friend. Unless of course you tell me I can't talk to you and then I do give up.
Aside from friends and family I have almost no luck. For awhile I bought the whole everything happens for a reason thing, but right now I don't. I thought maybe the bad situations were preparing me for something good later. At this point I'm thinking it's just preparing me for more unfortunate situations. I know I'm only 24 so obviously there's time for something good to happen before I kick it, but really we don't know that. I think maybe I'm just one of those people who's meant to be sort of happy with life, but never really truely happy with themselves or their life. I hate that if I take a step back and look at my life I know it's a good one, but being in it doesn't seem as good. I sound like an idiot not being completely happy with everything I do have, but I guess that's part of my problem.
On another different, yet similar note. I don't want to get married any time soon. Unfortunately the rest of the world is tricking me into thinking I do. Right now when I look at the pictures around my desk there are six pictures where I am the only single person in the picture. It's not just that these other girls are in relationships, every one of them has a diamond too. I know that I am not ready for that stage, but I am also very sick of everyone else being there. I love that my friends are happy and that most of them want me in the wedding. It's awesome that I now have half a closet full of bridesmaid dresses to remind me of my predicament. It's really only a matter of time before every one of my friends is married and I'm sitting around without a cat because I'm allergic. Not only will I be alone, but I can't even have a furry companion. Another part of the issue is that I don't even know what I want. I can't possibly find someone to spend the rest of my life with when I don't even know what I want to do in the future. Plus I don't think I will ever like someone enough to want to see them every day and I'm pretty sure when you're married you have to see them quite frequently. So I am going to focus on planning my funeral which I know will eventually happen and stop ever giving thought to what I might do if I get married. I do not need a man to make my life complete, but I need to not feel like a freak for not having one.
This whole blog isn't really going in the direction that I intended it to go. There are just so many things in life that I don't understand and I know I never will. I like to know things and plan ahead. I just need to realize that you can't plan life. It just happens, whether it's good or bad, there's nothing I can do. I guess I'll just try to go with the flow...
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Being partially psychotic...
As much as I would like to not be a psychotic person, I think I am one. Fortunately, I am the type that probably doesn't need to seek help. Mostly my problem comes from my constant need to analyze. It doesn't matter what the subject is, I will analyze it. This might also go with my obsession with talking. I have much more to talk about because I'm analyzing things. It's almost like a multiple personality disorder because one side of me can think logically about something and realize why it's happening and the other side of me makes things up that are usually incorrect. Most of the time I believe the creative making things up side, also a problem.
I feel like I should take some steps to work on this issue. I'm not sure what I can do about it because my brain just keeps going when I try to stop.
I feel like I should take some steps to work on this issue. I'm not sure what I can do about it because my brain just keeps going when I try to stop.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
My Lucky Day!!
I had my first lucky person moment today. Ok, I may have had one or two before, but mostly I feel that I'm a generally unlucky person. This morning I mowed the lawn, which was not fun. Lots of gross dog poop around from my lovely neighbors. As I was putting away the lawn mower I noticed that one of my car tires had a metal thing sticking out of it. It was pretty pointy and semi-thick. I called my dad who instructed me to try to pull it out and then take it somewhere if the tire started to lose air. I'm not very strong so I couldn't get it out. I took the car down to the Napa store and the nice man there came to check out the situation. Then he brought his tools and pulled the metal thing out which was about 2 inches long. LUCKILY it went in sideways so it didn't actually pop the tire and no air came out. It was great!!! So that would be the lucky moment. Moving on with my day. I then went to get the mail and got an invitation to a bachelorette party and on the invite it says "keeping with the wedding colors, please wear pink". Gross. I am not wearing pink. I'm pondering not going just because I have nothing pink and don't want to wear that hideous color anyway. After that annoyance, I decided I was hungry so I cooked a frozen noodle thing in the microwave. Unfortunately when I took it out of the microwave it was very hot and I dropped it. It bounced off the oven and landed face down. Noodles and sauce all over the floor and my clothes. I then ate a bologna sandwich. Yum.
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